God! Who? What? When? Where? Why? If? Real? Having been grown up as full blown catholic I can help but to at least have a spiritual side to my being. As I grew from a boy into a man and witnessing the reality of the horror that is our world I can’t help but have feelings of what kind of a monster of a god would allow all this suffering, in particular a baby with cancer and in all that pain?! I, after many years of battle between my angels and demons that dwell deep inside my heart, I ultimately keep coming up with only one possible conclusion that makes since in every way imaginable, to me. My thought process is a long drawn out bottomless pit of possibilities. I replay these over and over in life and every once in a while a new one pops up and throws them all out of wack leaving me with many restless nights. The thought of not understanding and not knowing, maybe never knowing just drives me ape shit bonkers. I love this type of deep thought and I figure why sleep when there are so many mysteries to be solved or at least worth pondering a while. After all, who needs sleep? We will sleep plenty while we dead but perhaps we won’t be able to use thought processes then anyway if there is indeed nothing but a black eternal nothingness void of never existing again and almost like we never existed at all. What is the meaning of life? Is there a rhyme or reason for why we are who we are and a reason or purpose for our existence in a never ending and infinite universe amongst universes? Is is all just purposeless? Are we just a shit smear on the existence of an internal death spiral?